The Side of Breastfeeding No One Talks About
Breastfeeding 4 days postpartum
‘Breast is best’, but not when it’s affecting your mental health.
Have you ever felt proud, exhausted, deeply connected, and completely overwhelmed; all at once?
That’s exactly what breastfeeding felt like for me. I exclusively breastfed my second daughter for six months and continued until she was two years old. Something I wasn’t able to do with my first child, 19 years earlier. It was one of the most emotionally intense, physically demanding, and beautiful experiences of my motherhood.
The Early Days
From the beginning, we faced challenges. My daughter had a tongue tie that made latching difficult and most feeds incredibly painful. By day five, she had lost 8% of her birth weight, which came as a shock, I thought she’d been feeding well (or so I believed at the time!).
I remember telling my midwife at our first postnatal visit that I suspected a tongue tie. She wasn’t certain but kindly referred me to a tongue tie clinic. At the clinic, I was told there was no tongue tie, but I wasn’t convinced. I kept doubting what I was feeling, but deep down I knew something wasn’t right.
It got to the point where I would dread most feeds. I knew it wasn’t supposed to feel like this. The constant feeding, sleep deprivation, the doubts, and my depression all weighed heavily. There were days I felt completely depleted, yet I still had to keep giving.
I was already under enormous pressure, so I decided to try expressing breast milk. To my surprise, my daughter refused every bottle. This isn’t uncommon for breastfed babies, especially after the six-week mark, but it added a whole new layer of stress. I tried every teat marketed for breastfed babies, nothing worked.
Eventually, I sought a second opinion from a tongue tie specialist midwife. She confirmed a posterior tongue tie and gave me practical support, including tongue exercises. What a relief, it was the first time I felt truly seen and supported.
Expressed breast milk (EBM)
Found other uses for my breastmilk as she refused a bottle.
The Mental Load: The Invisible Weight
Breastfeeding wasn’t just physical, it was mental. I carried the full responsibility of nourishing my daughter for the first six months, and that invisible weight was heavy.
Yes, there were countless beautiful moments, the way we bonded, the calm that came with skin-to-skin contact, the quiet power of knowing my body was sustaining her. But alongside that were moments of exhaustion, and guilt for feeling both.
There were days I felt proud, empowered, deeply connected. And there were days I wondered how much longer I could keep going. And that’s okay. Those mixed feelings are valid. This is the part so many don’t talk about; the emotional and mental toll of breastfeeding.
How I Was Able to Continue
Despite the challenges, I chose to continue breastfeeding until she was two. Over time, the pain eased. We found our rhythm. Feeding became more intuitive, less pressured.
I became more confident in following our pace and not anyone else’s expectations. Breastfeeding became just one of the many ways we connected. I held onto the experience for as long as it felt right for us. And when it no longer did, I weaned. It was a bittersweet transition, but one I was ready for.
The Bigger Picture: What the Statistics Show
The breastfeeding journey is often romanticised, but statistics paint a more honest picture:
81% of mothers in the UK initiate breastfeeding at birth.
24% of mother’s still exclusively breastfeed at 6 weeks in England.
55% are still doing some sort of breastfeeding at 6 weeks.
By 6 months, only 1% are exclusively breastfeeding.
(Source: UNICEF UK)
Why the steep drop? Not because parents don’t want to breastfeed, but because they’re not supported well enough to continue.
Barriers include:
Pain and feeding complications (like tongue tie).
Lack of support and misinformation.
Mental health challenges.
Societal pressure
Returning to work with little accommodation.
It’s not a lack of commitment, it’s a lack of support.
Breastfeeding Needs More Than Education, It Needs Community
One thing I wish more people knew is that breastfeeding support isn’t just about positioning and technique. It’s also about being seen and heard. It’s about creating a culture where feeding choices , whatever they are, are respected and supported.
For me, what made a difference was:
Having knowledgeable, kind lactation support.
Speaking openly with friends who understood.
Giving myself permission to feel all the emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.
Whether you're breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, expressing, or doing a bit of everything, you deserve support. You deserve community. And you deserve to be reminded that you’re doing something incredible, even on the hard days.
If You’re Struggling
Here are some trusted resources for breastfeeding support in the UK:
Let’s keep talking about the real stories, the ones with joy, struggle, doubt, pride, and everything in between. Because that’s what breastfeeding really looks like.
Nyisha x